Katey On: control

Be honest. You crave some level of control in many aspects of your life. This is not a crime, by the way. It is human.

It can cause problems, though. It can cause fights with those close to you. It can agitate you to a degree you don’t recognize yourself. At its most innocuous, control can be inconvenient and undesirable. At its worst, control can be infuriating and paralyzing. I don’t know exactly where you fall on the spectrum of control, but you should know. Find out. Ask yourself, “How do I behave when I’m not controlling?”

There is good reason to know this. There are only a few things we can actually control in life and if you set out to control what cannot be controlled, you waste your energy and meet with suffering.

Here is the truth: you do not need to waste energy or suffer. You do not need to control anything. When you gain the wisdom to see what is within your control and what is not, you can surrender and allow.

Surrender to what? Allow what? People use different names for it: Tao, flow, Newton’s 3rd Law, the universe’s plan, God’s will, etc. I surrender to the way natural forces organize things. What are you allowing when you surrender? Anything. Any possible thing.

Here is what you get to control:

1. Where you focus. If you focus on tasks and people who make you go, “AAAARRRRGH!” you are going to be frustrated, unable to do what you want or express how you feel. If, on the other hand, you focus on tasks and people who make you go, “aaaahhhh,” you are going to freely, easily learn and grow.

2. How you make sense of life. This is your worldview, your mental model for existence. You inherited one from your family, friends, and culture, but you do get to choose the worldview you like best.

3. Your response to the moments in which you find yourself. (This is advanced stuff; it is basically forbidden knowledge, so put it out of your mind until you truly understand yourself.)

Go spend time with the things that make you go, “aaaahhhh.”